From Mundane to Extraordinary

Shopping

2010-03-13T15:09:00.000-08:00

So sometimes when we shop and we find something that we really like, like... I dunno... a sweater. Everything about this sweater seems to fit just right, it's one of a kind, fashionable, and you're almost convinced that you're going to buy it... but then there's something that you're unsure about. Maybe you feel like you haven't shopped around enough... I mean, you've gone to a couple stores, some you've spent a long time in, and others you maybe just looked through the window but didn't really see anything that interesting. You really feel like this article of clothing, and you feel like you really want to invest in it... but there's still something holding you back from buying it for some reason...

From this point you have a couple solutions:

1. Just buy it. You found something that you really like, so why even bother going to the other stores? Yeah there may be other great things to buy, but it doesn't mean that the thing that you're looking at isn't just as great.

2. Put it on hold. You can always reason that even though you really like this article of clothing, you're curious of what's out there. So why not go out and shop, explore, and in the end, if you still can't stop thinking about that article of clothing, you can go back and buy it.

3. Put it back on the rack and continue to shop.

With number 1, there's that fear that maybe you're settling. There are problems with number 1, because you can buy something and still be curious about the other stores, and maybe you're satisfaction with this sweater will diminish not because it's not a great piece, but just because maybe you'll get bored of it and want something new, but at that point you've already cashed out your spendings and can't afford to buy anything else. It would be a bigger burden to go back and return it and get your money back, or maybe you feel bad, because this article of clothing used to be your favorite, and even though you don't wear it as much or maybe it got demoted to the back of your closet after sometime, you know that it will always keep you warm on cold days. So you decide to keep it, but spend a lot of your time looking around at all the sweaters that you could have bought.

With number 2... this seems more desirable, because you can go and explore and come back for it if you realize that there really isn't anything else that you really like. That way, you'll wear it more and you'll appreciate it more because you know that there weren't any other sweaters in the mall that you liked as much as the on you have. The only problem with this though, once you put something on hold, no one else can look at it and decide to buy it... and what if you do find something else that you really like, and never come back for it? The sweater won't be put on hold forever, but it will definitely take a lot longer for someone else to buy it because it was put on hold and just left there until a employee realizes that no one was coming back for it. So even though this may be the best decision for you personally, it's kind of selfish.

With number 3 there's a risk. Yes you can leave it and shop more and then find something that you like even more, and someone else will buy the sweater that you left behind... but putting it back on the rack and just leaving may mean that you can walk around the whole mall and realize there's nothing quite as good as it... come back and find out that it's gone. But then imagine shopping all day, not finding anything that you like better, coming back and seeing that the sweater is still there. Sure, people had the chance to buy it, but the point is that you let go of the idea of having the sweater, and came back after you really knew what you wanted, bought it, and are sure that it's the perfect sweater, that it was meant to be...

I think the hardest decisions to make are the ones that you know will make the best outcome for everyone. It takes a little bit of doubt, insecurity, sacrifice... and it takes a lot of strength. It takes strength to let go of things and not assume control over them. But that's the thing, we can't control anything but our own actions--and no matter the situation, when we try too hard to control uncontrollable things, we end up hurting other people... sometimes we even end up hurting ourselves... it's because as honest as our intentions can be at times, we're imperfect people fueled by passion, and emotion, and we're always looking for the easy way out...

But let go. God has a plan for everything, and if we could just let go for a moment in our lives and let God take the reigns of our will, we will be able to see more clearly. Our hearts are filled with clouds of anger, envy, resentment, self-righteousness, sadness... and pretty much everything that labels us imperfect. God's heart is pure... it's filled with love and grace... His intentions are good and His actions are fair. And if we can let go of our need to control the uncontrollable we'll be able to see what God has in store for us... and who knows, maybe it will be a sweater that you couldn't even dream of.

Hope.

2010-02-24T01:45:00.000-08:00

"Better In Time"

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gonna be OK

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gonna be OK

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

...

2010-02-23T01:24:00.000-08:00

Numb isn't an option at this point. At this point, all I can really do is just feel everything... feel everything so I can keep feeling human...

... One day everything will be more than just okay. But right now... I'm just okay. I'm human. I'm breathing. I'm feeling. I'm okay.

Life Changes

2010-02-02T09:20:00.000-08:00

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.

Love never fails."

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

If you think about it it's simple... but when we fail in the most simplest ways, it becomes the most painful. But like someone once told me, when you hurt it's because you have hope... you have faith, and without those things a life full of meaning becomes too relative to be significant... and this life is significant.

-the Class of 2010-

2010-01-01T04:17:00.000-08:00

I remember sitting in my 3rd grade class on the first day of school looking at a time line of my expected life. My teacher, Mrs. Laumann, who still continues to be one of my favorite teachers to this day, called us the class of 2010, because that was when we were going to graduate college. Interesting isn't it? I wonder what was going through her head when she predetermined all of our futures for us in those simple, and at that time, insignificant words. It was if she purposely wanted to insist upon us that we were all made for this great rite of passage called college... despite whether or not all of us would go to college, or finish in four years, or even make it through high school--she wanted to let us know that at the age of 8 that we were all made for some kind of greatness... we are the class of 2010.

And now it's here. Can I really say that this year will be my year of greatness? Can I really be so bold to predetermine what life may hold for me in the future as my third grade teacher had once did for 30 impressionable children? I feel like a wanderer standing in the middle of a road that stretches so far to the horizon that you're almost tempted to turn around and walk back. You look over your shoulder and gaze upon all the things you had done, all the friends you had made, you had lost, all the pain you had endured and all the joy you had engulfed. You see all the nights you had spent alone and you see all the nights you had spent with that one special somebody talking about all your dreams you have for the future only to see that the future comes closer and closer, and now you feel the immense pressure to make these dreams realities... it's so tempting. So tempting to be envious of your memories and to long to rewalk a path you had already dug out for yourself... perhaps if you could do this, you'd iron out the rough parts, you'd do what you would've/could've/should've done, and you could check off your list of "what if's"...

So what more greatness could you possibly generate with so much greatness before you now? Do I really have the confidence to say... this year will be more amazing than the year before when the mere thought of the paths I've crossed brings tears to my eyes... that I've passed onto the other side of the bell curve of my college experience... that everything from this point on will be dedicated to ending a chapter of my life that has meant so much to me...?

I am class of 2010

A fact that had been decided for me before I could even understand what it would mean. It was never a question to my mother... I'd go to college and that would be that. But now I see this road ahead of me and all I see is a blank canvas--no guidelines, no instructions, no preselection of themes... it's intimidating. BUT... memories, should never be so envied, and should only be treasured. Maybe life isn't so much a bell curve but an upward slope... that it is a privilege to be able to stare at a blank canvas with no boundaries and no limits, and that with the friends and strengths that you had cultivated in the past, you could walk down this road on a wing of faith and hope and be able to create the very first thing that will be your own... the rest of your life.

So will this year be great? Well, perhaps that's not the point. Perhaps greatness is not so much the state of being great but the journey you take to find those ways that you can be greater. With that, 2010 will be great because it's a time for me to leave my wandering shoes behind, lace the boots of a huntress... and run.

I only know MAJESTY... Purple, Gold and Royal.

2009-08-23T14:41:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's hard to equivocate how you feel about something in a few paragraphs... from mundane to extraordinary, this is definitely one of those extraordinary things.

SPOP.

Immediately... I think of LIFE. I think of energy. I think of new beginnings. And most importantly I think of HOPE.

Those are all things that SPOP had given to me as a freshman. Those are all things, as a staffer of two years, that I had wanted to give to others...

SPOP 7 2009 was like forming a full circle. I rushed out of my midterm to barely make it onto the talent show stage to perform my last spaerobics. I was frazzled by the end and took sometime to recollect myself for Modern... however, the recollection was in vain. My mind was wrapped around the concept of this being my last SPOP experience and I couldn't help but watch the rest of talent show in awe... I couldn't smile, I couldn't laugh and I couldn't cheer in fear that any of those things would break the seal between me and my emotions. Whatever... I cried anyways.

That was the longest walk back to my hall. I think I did it purposely just so I can take the advice I once gave my spfamily during the end of our first discussion, "don't forget to take a step back and take in all the wonderful things that are happening." During that walk I remembered golden butterflies from the end of SPOP 10 2008 that I watched dance with AK on the way back to Captain Planet's Camino Goes Green-O... I also remembered SPOP 3 2006 waiting outside of the Bren Events center with my hall standing in a circle and screaming "C-L-OOOOOOOOO!" with our 00Cielo (double "o" cielo) staffers in the middle, watching them cry and wondering why they were so emotional... and even now, after being in their shoes, I can still question why, but not because I cannot see what life fulfilling things come out of the SPOP experience, but because there are just so many that I cannot leave one sole reason for being responsible.

Full Circle... SPOP 7 was not sad. I felt a sort of completion. I felt that I had succeeded in paying back what my staffers have given to me. When I see the smiles on my spoppers faces come closing I know that in some way or another they are touched... they've left those two days with a plethora of new games, a new friend, a new ambition, a new perspective... and if I am lucky enough, a new sense of that HOPE. A hope to be in a better place, a hope to be a better person, a hope to have a better experience... a better life. My last SPOP rant... I don't know exactly what I said in between the tears except for one thing... asking them, begging them, to pay it forward and to never underestimate the power of their influence and use that influence to give people every bit of happiness that was given to them... I told them that LIFE can be SPOP, if you just make it that way... and I told them that the person they're trying to find is no one but themselves... and that yourself isn't somebody that you LOOK for... it's someone that you WORK on... make your LIFE a HOPE to have the motivation to put yourself in a BETTER PLACE and to make yourself a BETTER PERSON... and that's SPOP.

From Purple Year to Gold Year to Royal Year I have been blessed with so may lessons and so many inspiring people... and it is bittersweet to end the SPOP chapter of my life... it was the first of my firsts in college, and it is the first of my lasts as well, and I cannot thank this program enough for preparing me for both journeys...

This is no where near a clear depiction of what SPOP means to me. From that complete mess of a person I knew back then who needed that push of hope to be in a better place to this striving woman using that hope to instill into others the greatness of the opportunities that lay ahead of them... I cannot fully explain to you how I feel about SPOP in a mere blog entry, but in a lifetime of stories that lead up to this next story... the termination of my college life.

---Some Advice to Aspiring Returners---

Be aware of the reasons you have for reapplying. Know that as a returner it is your duty to instill everything that is wonderful about this program and to be critical about everything that could be better. It is your duty to know even more so when to step up and when to step back, and you will find yourself more than ever stepping up to those positions are not necessarily the most pleasurable but the most vital. Know that it will not be Royal year... and enter your returner year already convinced that it will not be the same, it will not be better, it will not be worse... it will just be different. Know that the difference between this year and last year is the difference between the coordinators, the staff, the freshman, and yourself. Know that also, a returner is not only tending to the experience of their spoppers but the experience of their fellow staffers as well. Be there for your staff. Be the positivity and the energy that they need in tough times, and be the passion that inspires their own passion about this program. BUT MORE THAN ANYTHING... remember... if you are to get that returner position... there are no shoes to fill, no expectations to be met, no definitions to be loyal to... there only shoes to make, expectations to be surpassed, and definitions to be written. Do not waste time trying to reenact Royal year, but spend your time creating an entirely new experience. Be Royal in your heart, but be ______ in your intentions.

... that's all. Thank you Purple for inspiring me. Thank you Gold for challenging me. Thank you Royal for completing me.

SPOP Royale

2009-06-29T11:35:00.000-07:00

It's so hard not to build expectation. As much as we can preach about not expecting anything and to just put our all into whatever we do... we still expect things and we still wait for things to happen...

After Weekend Training, I felt this need to reflect upon my own SPOP journey thus far...

I've always loved the idea of SPOP. Coming in as a freshman, SPOP had opened my eyes to a wide road of possibilities. The mission statement of SPOP was not only instilled in me but was an active ingredient in what I felt college had the potential to be for one individuals right of passage. SPOP was the doorway for my journey into wanting to make myself a better person, for creating standards for the life I live, to seek greatness in everything that I do, and to always redefine and acknowledge what greatness is whether it be a 4.0 or a state of mind. This was my main reason for wanting to be a staffer, beyond anything, I wanted to give back what was given to me as an incoming freshman... college has meant so much to me, and I wanted to encourage my spoppers into taking full advantage of everything that it has to offer...

I was so excited to be on Staff for the first time. I was rejected my freshman year, and so there was a year worth of excitement and expectation that came with the idea of being a SPOP Staffer. However, it was more difficult than I had thought to be integrated into the program. My heart had already been opened up to another program and I felt an inner pressure to preserve my dedication towards my other affiliation (being confronted by close friends that SPOP was a cult, and talking about SPOP left others out), especially because of my anticipated leadership role waiting for me around the corner. Furthermore, being in a new and exciting relationship made it difficult for me to focus on the outer world... naturally.

To make up for not feeling integrated into staff, or feeling like I didn't have any close friends, I focused on what I joined SPOP for in the first place: the freshmen. I can go two ways with this decision... in the first place I regret not sacrificing my comfort level to be able to get close with people and to feel connected with my fellow staffers... but in the second place my Gold Year experience does hold a special place in my heart because of the interactions I had with my spoppers because they were the complete focal point of everything I did in that summer, and that alone had helped me grow and had helped me realize more and more about what kind of person I wanted to become.

Gold Year was difficult for me because I only understood once side to it which was our purpose as staffers to our spoppers. There were a lot of incidents and actions that I disagreed with during Gold Year, that had made me build some aminosity toward some staffers (mostly in the form of competition, laziness, apathy, and self-absorption during SPOPs, and exclusiveness)... but most of all, I didn't know who I could talk to about these issues mainly because there wasn't anyone that I was particularly close with. At the end of the summer, I couldn't say that SPOP had changed my life, I couldn't say that it was one of the best times I've ever had... it was a wonderful learning experience for me, a valuable one no doubt. In the end I decided that my first year experience was not better nor worse than anyone else I had observed, it was just different.

At closing, one line stuck to me: "When you apply to be a returner, you come back for the staffers." Up until that point I was sure I wanted to re-apply and continue to touch the lives of freshman... but that one individual point made me want to re-evaluate what the role of a SPOP returner would be, and whether or not I could be passionate about that role. Re-evaluating my decision to re-apply exposed a lot of the things that I didn't do during my first year on staff... and I realized that though I got a lot out of the program, I hadn't touched another main component of what makes SPOP so successful, and that was the unity and the bond between the staff. In deciding to apply for returner I knew that that would be where I fell short, and in trying to advocate and contribute my own viewpoints to the program, I knew that there was a lot more for me to learn and experience, and that I would have invest that time to be able to be a successful returner.

It's so hard not to build expectation. As much as we can preach about not expecting anything and to just put our all into whatever we do... we still expect things and we still wait for things to happen...

... but wow. These past 3 months have been more than just trying to fulfill a role as a returner, but it was an amazing learning experience for me as well. To returners, being amongst you all was so intimidating. All of your words have given me such insight into so many different sides of this program and I try to soak up and understand everything you all say to be able to apply it in trying to be better, and thank you for also encouraging me and opening yourselves up to me for the first or second time... a lot of the times I get really nervous and panicked before I speak up at returner meetings, but all of your support has helped me open myself up more and more. I have a lot of pride in our group... I trust and am inspired by everything that you all individually stand for, ya'all are LEGIT!

To first year staffers, TRUST that in the conversations that I've had with you and the things that I observe from you all... you ALL have helped me understand SPOP even more. Through this whole process know that in many realms we had been equals in trying to take in what the SPOP experience is. Thank you to those first years who have shown this overwhelming enthusiasm for SPOP, and thank you to those first years who have been critical about this program... but thank you all in the first place for sharing these perspectives and exposing all these intricacies that make SPOP so mind blowing...!

I had never cried for SPOP the way I had at weekend training. I had so much love in me that I felt like I was going to explode. It was intense... and very unexpected. Like I said during my spiel, I finally feel like that void in my SPOP experience has been filled, so thank you ROYAL YEAR. This will be such a wonderful summer.

To tie in what I have experienced in SPOP thus far with what I had experienced last year, I'll end this post with what I've learned so far...

1. Don't be afraid to be critical: if you love something, you would always want it to be at its best, and to be at its best, it must see where it may falter. Be ourselves, but understand that who are are is never a set person. We don't find ourselves, we work on ourselves. We can always improve... sky's the limit.
2. Be open-minded and open-hearted: there is no right or wrong answer, and understand that for the most part, all of our individual intentions are in the right place, but how we articulate these intentions may not always be accurate. Take criticism with a grain of salt, and be reflective before becoming defensive, you never know... you might learn something new.
3. Never underestimate the impact of small gestures. Don't just receive love, but also give love... reach out to people you don't know very well and sacrifice some time to be uncomfortable in hopes that one day it won't be anymore... and when that day comes, find another way to feel uncomfortable. and Repeat. Your discomfort may be another person's feeling of acceptance.
4. Cliques are inevitable... but aim to be cliqueless. If SPOP was the world, be a culturally rounded person.
5. Most of all... appreciate where we are and those who surround us. Never feel entitled and always feel honored... honored to be able to learn, to grow, to love, and to inspire.

That's all =]

Epic.

2009-03-18T22:08:00.000-07:00

Winter Quarter

2009-03-14T17:07:00.001-07:00

I have some down time, so I shall blog.

Winter quarter can only be described as both the mundane and extraordinary...

Mundane:

Just like every year, every quarter brings on new challenges... whether it's classes, work, social connections/ disconnections... and this quarter had it's fair share of them. Some of them were external in trying to find the right balance between, school friends, relationship, and family... and others were internal. Ever have that feeling of disconnection with yourself? I experienced that this quarter... which can only really mean that I myself are going through some changes that I have yet to discover and reckon with. These things, however, take time, small adjustments in my actions and perceptions and hopefully soon, with this spring break coming along I will be able to reconcile with myself.

I feel that's what happens when so many things in the external life are going on, buzzing right by you: classes, practices, socials, work, midterms, practices, not enough social, homework, work, papers, tests... you forget about yourself. You don't get enough of those good conversations that help you evaluate where you are in your life merely because you just haven't had the time to sit and have a good lunch with a good friend.

Things start conjuring in your mind... some far fetched and some very apparent. Long story short, this quarter has given me emotions that ranged from feeling indescribably proud to overwhelmingly defeated... mildy lonely to somewhat crowded.

But in these last 2 weeks, a midst from preparing for a final, finishing up homework and projects, and choreographing 3 separate collaboration pieces... I've come to peace with this quarter. In the end, it is what it is. I've fought my battle, and though in my mind I could have always done better... I can't ignore the extraordinary prizes that I had sacrificed for.

Extraordinary:

MCIA: Vibe was indescribable so I won't describe it. All I can say is how amazingly taken a back I am at some points... to step back from it all and see what this team is, and realizing that I wouldn't have, in my wildest dreams, ever thought of being part of something so significant. It's not just being part of a dance team.... but being part of a dance team that's exponentially growing! Being coord has its serious ups and downs... but when I try to completely comprehend the position that I am in this year... and the team that I am representing... I feel nothing but gratefulness for both my struggles and my successes. My experiences on this team continue to teach me more and more about myself, and continue to challenge me to be a better person to hopefully, one day, be that much closer from my best. It's beyond dancing for me, it's loving this team and caring for my team mates more than I ever thought I had the capacity to...

SPOP: In applying I really wanted it... in waiting for the decision to let out I began to want it even more... during weeks 7-10 I convinced myself that, probably, I didn't get it (with the underlining hope that I would get it however)... with so many freakishly amazing people applying it's hard to justify within yourself that you, above others, should be accepted. You can't. C'est impossible. And it's one of those situations, if you were to not get it, you would understand... my understanding at the beginning of week 10, was more convinvcing than my justification. Why did I want to apply for SPOP again? My number 1 reason was because I believe so much in what this program is trying to accomplish, because it accomplished it in me 3 years ago... and my excessive need to be able to be part in perpetuating life changing experiences will always consume me. My number 2 reason: a second chance, which is contradictory to my whole belief that there are no second chances... you gotta go balls out the first time. I wanted a second chance to be a better staffer, not to freshmen, but to my staffers... because in that I feel, I could have given more...

I remember once, during the beginning of one SPOP, Hannah Johnson was giving her morning pep talk to the staff, and she quoted me... "Jenevieve in her interview said your input into something reflects your output"... and at that moment I remember experiencing a wave of guilt... I had gotten the most out of each SPOP I staffed... but I didn't get the most out of the whole experience as I had observed other staffers had. I can draw a parallel to another organization that I love... MCIA. It's not just about dancing and coming to practice and performing once in a while... it's about the connections you make along the way... the connections that you put an effort into making...

Being accepted just reiterates how wonderful SPOP is... I've put together a couple rosters myself... you tend to take your chances on those you know not only want it, but have shown that they've earned it... you select the best of the best. Mad respect for SPOP coords. How do you put the best of the best on the list... when the best of the best are the ones applying? Reading the staff list... and discovering who amongst Gold had made it and who had not... I still cannot justify why myself over others... I can only feel more power and more assertion to put everything that I can into this program, because for all of the amazing people who could be in my shoes right now, I know that nothing less is enough.

So as you can see... next quarter will be fierce. I'm on my way to ending my 3rd year of college, ending another year of MCIA (performances, cabinet interviews, banquet, retreat... oh my), working, and beginning my second chance at Staff.

Goal: Going from being Super Girl, to Wonder Woman.

Vibe Season 2009

2009-01-12T16:18:00.000-08:00

Compared to the past two years that I have participated in Vibe... this season is going pretty smoothly. I really like this new blocking system. Of course there's always room for improvement, but in general it's a good system. I feel like with this system, everyone gets to experience being a team mate on stage and off stage. With past systems, it seems like there's always a handful of people who experience being one type of team mate too much, and other type not at all. I think the only thing I wish we could've have spent more time on is blocking actual formations together... we attempted this minimally... and we'll see how the transitions from one piece to another turn out. This set will be off the hook regardless.

I've been fighting sickness for the past two weeks, along with more than half of the team. Times are rough... late night dancing when you've got a chronic cough, a mild fever and the other parts of your life to worry about in the morning. The journey is always worth the destination though, and at least with this new system we haven't stayed a night past 3am... which is extremely efficient. On top of that, I would say we are only a half day behind schedule, with this whole week to prepare.

I'm excited.

In other news, I'm tired.

Two Thousand and Nine

2009-01-02T09:45:00.000-08:00

Well, the ball dropped.

I'm excited for this new year and all the changes... or rather, transformations, that will inevitably happen in my life. I had a mild conversation with the b-friend about the difference between change and transformation. With transformations, the differences between now and then are based on the kind of person you used to be... your new self still harbors all of your past and all of your present. Your history and your experiences become a great factor in what kind of person you want to be, or find yourself becoming. Change however... change is like a light bulb that goes from blue to red.

People go through transformations... and I think that is what gets lost in the minds of those who resent change, or who are afraid of change. People don't change, they transform... whether it's bad or good, an improvement or a detriment, it's never a solitary, separate change from who they once were. And for those who regret their past, deny their past... for those who are embarrassed of their trials and roots, understand that these experiences cannot escape you. We are all products of our own history, and every bit of history is equally responsible for who we are or who we are becoming.

Lastly, we have the power to transform in the direction we want. We have full control of our lives. I'm not much of a fanatic of destiny or fate... we meet people ad we find ourselves in situations all by chance, and the development and outcome of these relationships and situations are in our hands. I once read a quote in my high school agenda book (one of those quotes of the week) that said, "Life is 10% of what happens, and 90% of how you react."

For every action, there is a reaction. For every time that we can react negatively toward a situation, we can find a way to react positively. I find that with the presence of a hardship, it is so easy for us to forget about all the great things in our life. With one difficult hill to climb, we suddenly lose the reasons why we are still walking and still climbing in the first place. No doubt that others have more great things than us... but if we were to think about it in such a way, there are plenty of those who have less great things than us. To binge on the former and neglect the latter is to take our wealth for granted.

Perspective. Choose your perspective.

Everyday we make choices: what to wear, what to eat, what to do, what to say... make a choice on what to think.

"Be the change you want to see in the world." -Gandhi

This New Year is clay your hands, and so mold it into what you would like it to become.

2008-12-27T13:21:00.000-08:00

So during my time at home, I haven't been doing much. I had a simple Christmas, but it was a nice Christmas because I managed to avoid being torn between two places. I spent Christmas with my mom and my nieces and nephew. I haven't done that in a while. Usually I spend Christmas eve with my mom, watch my nieces and nephew open presents at midnight, and then in the morning I leave for my dad's family Christmas/ Birthday party. I never look forward to watching my nieces frown at the sight of me and my brother leaving.

My oldest brother, my half brother Robert, is 17 years older than I am. As a consequence, he got married and had children when I was barely entering junior high. My sister-in-laws sister is infertile... so besides the family friends that they have here and there, my brother Jae and I are the only real extended family they have.

My niece, Alexa, and I are close enough for her to feel like a baby sister. I love her because I was so excited when she was born... minus the brutal quarrels we would always have during my adolescent years of babysitting her. But now that she's 12 I enjoy just listening her talk about her school life, her friends, her crushes, her interests...

My second niece, or rather, my God Daughter Jasmine (Robert I was too young when Alexa was born to be a God Mother, so he promised me that if he had another kid I'd be first in line) is a ball of energy. Her interests reflect mine a lot more than Alexa's (For her age, Alexa is really into flashy clothes and bling bling and make up and fashion and all that... which makes me wince a little because I want her to focus on things that are more fun). Jasmine likes to keep busy... a busy bee. She loves to draw and make things... she's very independent and suffers from the middle child syndrome; she's often ignored and has her occasional fights for attention.

My nephew, Christian, is a miniature heart throb. He has definitely brought of life into the family with his quirky, happy go lucky demeanor. My brother was going to stop having children after the two girls, but a need for a son got the best of him.

I love spending Christmas with my mom and brothers because I feel like they are my family. More so than the mob of relatives on my dad's side. I'd rather receive hardly anything but some cash from my mother for Christmas than an armful of things I don't want. Christmas is a feeling to me... A feeling of togetherness and wholesomeness. I like sitting in one room with all the people I love talking and laughing, poking fun at each other, rather than in a big house with many people I hardly know (I mean, I know them... but I don't know them).

I'm veyr grateful for this Christmas, despite the the underlying social consequences it may have brought upon with not showing face at a major Manguiat Family event... I find myself caring less and less.

I'm very much anti-label. Labels such as mother, father, brother, family, boyfriend, friend... they mean nothing to me unless I feel like that person really is as such. People are what they are to me... nothing more and nothing less. More elaboration on that in some later post. I'm hungry.

Publicity!

2008-12-23T19:23:00.000-08:00

This is a blog that I've created for sharing =]

I tend to do things on a whim and decide later whether or not I like it. This is one of those... whimsical things. I so often blog about what's going on inside of my head... things that I like to keep private but still need to release. This isn't one of those things. Just a record of my mundane lifestyle...

Last week I watched my Bits Pal do an ABC list of things that made him happy. Sounds time consuming enough for a night like tonight, where I'm voluntarily stuck at home with no interest with what's on T.V. and exhausted from reading almost 3 novels in a 4 part saga in a little over 3 days.

A: Animal Planet
I love animals... I like dreaming of having exotic pets that I would give simple names. For example, a Wombat named Albert would be nice to carry around in my back pack. .

B: Bach
Bach is a test. I love Bach because his Manuscripts can be interpreted on a large range of criticisms. He's boring. yet, if you study him well enough and you truly love music and understand everything music could have ever meant in another lifetime... you'll find a spirit in his work, stories and lines... concepts and even related feelings... I think he did it on purpose to be honest.

C: Cake
I never refuse cake. I absolutely, positively, love cake.

D: DOGS!!!!
If you know me, this has to be a given. It's almost a second instinct for me to exclaim, "OOOOO DOGGY!!!" at every encounter with my Canine cuties. If I were to grow up to be an insane old lady, the neighborhood kids would call me the "Dog Lady"... because no doubt I'd put the pound out of business if I ever lost my mind with loneliness.

E: Eeyore
Eeyore is my favorite Disney Character. I think it's mostly because he has chronic depression.

F: Friends
Life would be hard without friends.

G: Grandparents
I never met my grandfathers because they both passed away before I was born, and both of my Grandmothers had passed away when I was in high school. Nonetheless I love grandparents in general. I love how fragile they are and how much history and wisdom and sincerity you can see in their eyes. If anything, grandparents can tell you exactly what you need and what you don't in your life.

H: Hugs
There's nothing that can brighten any day than a really big hug from someone you love.

I: ICE CREAM!!!
I have a second stomach for ice cream. I can eat it any day, any time.

J: Jeans that fit right
This makes me happy because it's so difficult to find a pair of jeans that I'm completely satisfied with.

K: Kisses
Both the act of endearment and the chocolate.

L: Lights
Lights have grown more extraordinary to me in the past year and a half due to certain drug affections. But nonetheless, sober or not, lights create an uplifting feeling in me... usually related to Christmas time.

M: Money
Being financially secure would definitely allow me to focus on other things in my life.

N: Nieces and Nephews
Even more than little cousins, my nieces and nephew are such a pride in my life. I love watching them grow. They remind me so much of all the simple things--everything from sugar cookies to adolescent crushes.

O: Obey sample sales
Cheap deisgner clothes would make anyone happy.

P: Piano
For more than half my life, my piano has been the only inanimate object (btw, this fact I can argue quite well... I actually believe that piano has a life)

Q: Quaint objects
I dunno. I love little objects... miniature animals, miniature containers, miniature ketchup bottles, shoes, cups, etc. I just think they're pretty cute.

R: Romantic Comedies
As idealistic as they are, romantic comedies make me all warm and gushy inside =] I think it's most embarrassing when I watch them alone and smile to myself.

S: Sun
I enjoy the sun. I'm a summer baby and on top of that I'm socal born and raised. Cold is more uncomfortable for me than hot.

T: Taking pictures in Toon Town!
Toon town makes me feel like I'm in a cartoon and that I can be as silly and as weird as I want... lol. I really feel like it's the most youthful place in Disneyland.

U: Unwinding
I really enjoy those moments where I can just sit, and relax, and unwind-- especially when it come after something like a hard week, a long practice... or even just a good meal. Alone and quiet time is a necessity in my book.

V: Valentines day.
It hasn't happened yet with the current b-friend. But shoot. It BETTER make me happy. =]

W: Walt Disney
I don't think this needs any explanation really.

X: eXcercising
It makes me feel healthy. Feeling healthy makes me happy.

Y: Youth
Not just being youthful... but also, little children and babies make me super happy. Just seeing their bright little, curious faces makes me think about how perceptive they are... you know, a lot of us forget how amazing the world is... but babies and kids never do.

Z: Zyrtec
I have major allergies.... and when they kick up, Zyrtec is my best friend.