SPOP Royale

It's so hard not to build expectation. As much as we can preach about not expecting anything and to just put our all into whatever we do... we still expect things and we still wait for things to happen...

After Weekend Training, I felt this need to reflect upon my own SPOP journey thus far...

I've always loved the idea of SPOP. Coming in as a freshman, SPOP had opened my eyes to a wide road of possibilities. The mission statement of SPOP was not only instilled in me but was an active ingredient in what I felt college had the potential to be for one individuals right of passage. SPOP was the doorway for my journey into wanting to make myself a better person, for creating standards for the life I live, to seek greatness in everything that I do, and to always redefine and acknowledge what greatness is whether it be a 4.0 or a state of mind. This was my main reason for wanting to be a staffer, beyond anything, I wanted to give back what was given to me as an incoming freshman... college has meant so much to me, and I wanted to encourage my spoppers into taking full advantage of everything that it has to offer...

I was so excited to be on Staff for the first time. I was rejected my freshman year, and so there was a year worth of excitement and expectation that came with the idea of being a SPOP Staffer. However, it was more difficult than I had thought to be integrated into the program. My heart had already been opened up to another program and I felt an inner pressure to preserve my dedication towards my other affiliation (being confronted by close friends that SPOP was a cult, and talking about SPOP left others out), especially because of my anticipated leadership role waiting for me around the corner. Furthermore, being in a new and exciting relationship made it difficult for me to focus on the outer world... naturally.

To make up for not feeling integrated into staff, or feeling like I didn't have any close friends, I focused on what I joined SPOP for in the first place: the freshmen. I can go two ways with this decision... in the first place I regret not sacrificing my comfort level to be able to get close with people and to feel connected with my fellow staffers... but in the second place my Gold Year experience does hold a special place in my heart because of the interactions I had with my spoppers because they were the complete focal point of everything I did in that summer, and that alone had helped me grow and had helped me realize more and more about what kind of person I wanted to become.

Gold Year was difficult for me because I only understood once side to it which was our purpose as staffers to our spoppers. There were a lot of incidents and actions that I disagreed with during Gold Year, that had made me build some aminosity toward some staffers (mostly in the form of competition, laziness, apathy, and self-absorption during SPOPs, and exclusiveness)... but most of all, I didn't know who I could talk to about these issues mainly because there wasn't anyone that I was particularly close with. At the end of the summer, I couldn't say that SPOP had changed my life, I couldn't say that it was one of the best times I've ever had... it was a wonderful learning experience for me, a valuable one no doubt. In the end I decided that my first year experience was not better nor worse than anyone else I had observed, it was just different.

At closing, one line stuck to me: "When you apply to be a returner, you come back for the staffers." Up until that point I was sure I wanted to re-apply and continue to touch the lives of freshman... but that one individual point made me want to re-evaluate what the role of a SPOP returner would be, and whether or not I could be passionate about that role. Re-evaluating my decision to re-apply exposed a lot of the things that I didn't do during my first year on staff... and I realized that though I got a lot out of the program, I hadn't touched another main component of what makes SPOP so successful, and that was the unity and the bond between the staff. In deciding to apply for returner I knew that that would be where I fell short, and in trying to advocate and contribute my own viewpoints to the program, I knew that there was a lot more for me to learn and experience, and that I would have invest that time to be able to be a successful returner.

It's so hard not to build expectation. As much as we can preach about not expecting anything and to just put our all into whatever we do... we still expect things and we still wait for things to happen...

... but wow. These past 3 months have been more than just trying to fulfill a role as a returner, but it was an amazing learning experience for me as well. To returners, being amongst you all was so intimidating. All of your words have given me such insight into so many different sides of this program and I try to soak up and understand everything you all say to be able to apply it in trying to be better, and thank you for also encouraging me and opening yourselves up to me for the first or second time... a lot of the times I get really nervous and panicked before I speak up at returner meetings, but all of your support has helped me open myself up more and more. I have a lot of pride in our group... I trust and am inspired by everything that you all individually stand for, ya'all are LEGIT!

To first year staffers, TRUST that in the conversations that I've had with you and the things that I observe from you all... you ALL have helped me understand SPOP even more. Through this whole process know that in many realms we had been equals in trying to take in what the SPOP experience is. Thank you to those first years who have shown this overwhelming enthusiasm for SPOP, and thank you to those first years who have been critical about this program... but thank you all in the first place for sharing these perspectives and exposing all these intricacies that make SPOP so mind blowing...!

I had never cried for SPOP the way I had at weekend training. I had so much love in me that I felt like I was going to explode. It was intense... and very unexpected. Like I said during my spiel, I finally feel like that void in my SPOP experience has been filled, so thank you ROYAL YEAR. This will be such a wonderful summer.

To tie in what I have experienced in SPOP thus far with what I had experienced last year, I'll end this post with what I've learned so far...

1. Don't be afraid to be critical: if you love something, you would always want it to be at its best, and to be at its best, it must see where it may falter. Be ourselves, but understand that who are are is never a set person. We don't find ourselves, we work on ourselves. We can always improve... sky's the limit.
2. Be open-minded and open-hearted: there is no right or wrong answer, and understand that for the most part, all of our individual intentions are in the right place, but how we articulate these intentions may not always be accurate. Take criticism with a grain of salt, and be reflective before becoming defensive, you never know... you might learn something new.
3. Never underestimate the impact of small gestures. Don't just receive love, but also give love... reach out to people you don't know very well and sacrifice some time to be uncomfortable in hopes that one day it won't be anymore... and when that day comes, find another way to feel uncomfortable. and Repeat. Your discomfort may be another person's feeling of acceptance.
4. Cliques are inevitable... but aim to be cliqueless. If SPOP was the world, be a culturally rounded person.
5. Most of all... appreciate where we are and those who surround us. Never feel entitled and always feel honored... honored to be able to learn, to grow, to love, and to inspire.

That's all =]